Home + one week...Adjustments for All

We've been home for a week now, and Malia's adjustment continues, and so does ours.  It's been a tumultuous week, with both boys getting sick, Malia's sleep schedule and routine changing, and a few challenges mixed in with the moments of pure, unadulterated joy.

On the food front, everything is a go...and that means literally everything. We were told that Malia likes to try new foods, and that has proven to be ever so accurate. She turned down cooked carrots...once. The second time she tried them, they were just fine, thank you. Here is a picture of her first experience with yogurt -- we think -- she acted like she hadn't had it before, but after one or two hesitant bites, it was full speed ahead!

Early in the week, Shelley brought Malia up to her Tutu and Papa's house to meet her cousin, Kawaihua.  At first, Malia was in her shy and watchful mode. She wasn't too sure who this new kid is.

After a while, they were able to settle into "parallel play" mode.

And Malia graced Tutu and Shelley with one of her ever-more-frequent smiles.

And even got a picture in with Tutu and Papa. For later reference, note where Papa is situated in this picture.

At home, we are enjoying having Malia try on some new outfits. Yes, it's a bit different than boys! Here, Malia poses with some of her new crayons. She's unsure whether to color with them or dig her fingernails into them and see how much she can scrape out. Ah, well, it's a new tactile experience.

Shelley and Malia have a ball during the days. Here they are posing for a dual selfie!  Love the "cheese" she's trying!

While Malia is generally attached to Shelley at the hip, she isn't quite so sure about me. I'm posing in the picture below --  but Malia isn't, and her look is pretty indicative of her wariness about me and adult men in general. Look again at the picture of Tutu, Papa, Kawaihua and Malia above -- Papa had to sneak into the picture while hidden by Tutu.

We understand that this situation isn't all that unusual. We also suspect that she didn't have that much involvement with men in her foster parents' home -- she and the foster mom appeared to have a very tight relationship (including co-sleeping in physical contact with each other). Regardless of the origin, it's proving a tough nut to crack. I generally can't approach Malia directly, I have to sit in the same room and do something that she finds interesting, and then she'll take a look and come investigate...and then we can play a game for awhile. Tonight, for example I took a 1000-piece puzzle Jonathan got for boys' day and played with the closed bags full of pieces while ostensibly ignoring her. As I played with the bags of puzzle pieces, Malia looked over, became interested and came over to take a closer inspection. We then opened the bags together and pulled out the pieces, having a grand time. A bit later on, I rolled some balls around the coffee table until she noticed, then we rolled them back and forth to each other.

Each day is getting a bit better, but it's a slow process, and somewhat stressful. It's stressful for me simply because it's taxing not to be able to just go on over and pick her up, hug her, or start a game with her without a strategy. For Shelley, it's just plain exhausting. She can't get much of a break, which has been exacerbated by Malia's adjustment to sleeping in her own bed. Each night, Shelley holds Malia until she falls asleep and then Shelley lays her down. Unfortunately, Malia now awakens several times a night and begins to cry. Our room is right next door, so Shelley reacts quickly and comforts her -- I can't really help, since I'm not a soothing presence to Malia at the moment.

The boys have been a tremendous help on this issue. Malia is totally comfortable with them (their status as kids negates their status as males, apparently), so they help both by entertaining Malia when Shelley needs a break or to get something done, and by playing with dad to show Malia that he's not all that scary.

As I said, it's getting better day-by-day, but we're all looking forward to the time when I can help put her to bed or just pick her up and carry her around.

As if that challenge wasn't enough for right now, we had an interesting sequence of doctor visits early in the week. First to go was Malia -- her checkup was great, even though our pediatrician had to sneak up on her to perform his exam. He also assured us that Malia's wariness will fade and suggested some strategies. Next up was Ryan -- he woke up with a scratchy throat, and given our travels and the new member of the family, we decided not to assume it was just a cold and to take him in. The result of the visit...Ryan had strep throat and was put on amoxycillin.

That very night, about 1 a.m., while Shelley struggled with Malia, and Ryan started on the road to recovery, I was awakened by a call from down the hall..."Dad!!! Come here!!" I staggered into Jonathan's room, just in time for him to send forth a barf geyser. He suffered through three more bouts of barfing (mainly dry heaves after the first) with my comforting and Shelley helping when she could extricate herself from Malia before we got him into the doctor's office in the morning. The result for Jonathan...not a norovirus as we suspected...but influenza type a and b! The hits just keep on coming! Tamiflu for that guy!

Jonathan and Ryan luckily responded almost immediately to their respective medicines. So much so that we suspect that Jonathan's test may have been a false positive, but there was one unfortunate impact of Jonathan's illness. He had to miss his final May Day performance, which is a big deal at this school. Jonathan is in fifth grade and has been performing at May Day since he was in kindergarten. Unfortunately, his fever had not subsided soon enough for him to be cleared, so he had to stay with Papa while Shelley, Malia, Tutu and I went to watch his classmates and Ryan.

Here is Ryan's class waiting to perform their first dance. The theme this year was "fun songs" and Ryan's class chose to focus on sports. He's wearing his Maui United soccer uniform.

And here is his hula performance. Ryan had a soccer ball as part of his performance. It was on the floor during this part of the dance, and Ryan later told Shelley that he had dreamed the night before that the ball rolled all the way across the floor and into the parents. Ah, the school dreams begin...before we know it, he'll be dreaming that he slept through a final...or he forgot to drop a class and the deadline for dropping has passed and the final is tomorrow...or he forgot to turn out for soccer his senior year...or he'll come up with his very own panic dream.

And here he is in his contemporary dance -- he is so fun to watch when he really gets into something.

Below are the fifth and fourth graders finishing a group dance to "Footloose." It was a joy to watch and the kids clearly had a blast dancing to it. Jonathan was disappointed not to be able to perform with his buddies and we were disappointed for him.

This is Jonathan's class -- they've been together since kindergarten with only a handful of changes.

While we were waiting for Ryan's turn to take his class picture, Malia went down the stairs (with help) to say "hi" to him. She was beaming to see her big brother, and he was beaming to see her. One of his buddies sat down next to Ryan to say "hi" to Malia for himself.

Who was soon joined by another classmate, then a couple more...

Then by a throng, most of whom wanted a "high five" or a "knuckles."  We were certain that she would be absolutely overwhelmed by the crowd and were preparing to step in....

But no...Malia was having a ball and was giggling and smiling the whole time. The kids left only when they had to go take their class picture.

 I then snuck in for my picture. In public places I'm still a lifeline for her, so she'll let me closer...

But not too close...the family picture works better with a slight buffer.

Here is Ryan's class.

 Back at home, Jonathan taught Malia how to "cheese!"

Which she then used for Shelley!

One thing these pictures don't adequately convey is Malia's mind-boggling ability to pick up language. She is an absolute sponge. We started to keep track of the English words she learned, but frankly we have no idea already. Now she's starting to put together a couple of two word sentences.  "Koa come" is one...not that the dog obeys her, but Malia likes to say it.

It's amazing that we've been home a week. Overall, Malia is doing so amazingly well. We're suffering from the usual lack of sleep from any new child, though for slightly different reasons than anticipated.